Once you are done with online divorce in New York, there are usually many rearrangements for you to cover and challenges to cope with. More if you are a parent in a divorce, you will have to commit much to make your family function properly and kids feel satisfied after a breakup.
Many divorced couples voluntary or often involuntary impact their children negatively by labeling one parent as good and another as a bad one. As a result, a child starts to reject a ‘bad’ parent and everyone suffers from a similar situation.
If you experience the same challenge or feel the threat of being rejected as a divorced parent, discover more about the issue so that you can find the best possible solution and improve the relationships with your children eventually.
How to Understand Rejection
After parents get divorced, the kids are to stay with the custodial parent more than with the non-custodial one. It often happens that a custodial parent has more influence on the children. When the impact has a negative connotation directed at the non-custodial parent, a child will treat the latter in a worse way, often unjustifiedly. So, families, where the daughter hates father after divorce or the son blames only the mother for ruining the marriage are typical cases.
The children who reject the parent under the influence of another parent usually share the following features:
- ignoring a ‘bad’ parent for no sensible reason (refusing to see and spend time with them);
- maintaining strong unjustified views about both parents (one parent is always a ‘troublemaker’ while another is a ‘victim’ or the one to solve and manage all the vital issues);
- treating the position and opinion of a ‘good’ parent as their own;
- showing an adult-like concern about a ‘bad’ parent.
If you spot any similar behavior patterns in your kids in the attitude towards you, your children reject you under the influence of your former spouse. This means you need to take measures and change the situation until your relationships are ruined completely.
How to Deal with Rejection
If you are the victim of post-divorce rejection, anger, offense, aggression, or indifference towards the situation will do no good. You should better learn more about the issue and try to solve it before it gets more complicated. Here are some common steps for you to take to deal with rejection:
Learn about You Situation
No relationships with rejection are similar to others. So, before you apply any solving strategies, it is necessary to review and assess your situation soberly. Consider the intensity of the impact your ex make on your children. Analyze what kind of relationships you used to have with kids before the divorce. Take into account the personality, age, and other life challenges of your children. Think about how you usually respond and react to any rejection-related behavior and actions of your kids.
When you have a clear picture in your head, you may select the solution easier or ask a relevant expert for help for the best outcomes.
Don’t Lose Control
The very first point to understand is that you are neither helpless nor alone in such a situation. If you act appropriately, you can change family relationships for the better. So, don’t let the ‘good’ parent take control over your kids’ and even your life and manipulate everyone in the way they want. Never give up, but don’t play their bad game as well. Find a positive and kind solution, instead.
Don’t Blame the Kids
Understand that this is not the kids who choose to ignore you or treat you in a worse way, it is your former spouse who taught them so. Children may be influenced not directly. But when a custodial parent is always telling your kids how you offended, abandoned them, spoiled their lives, and ruined their family, your children may start to take it as truth having no alternatives.
So, you have no right to blame the kids for them rejecting you. You will only grant them evidence of your bad image created by your ex. Instead, you have to prove the opposite with your deeds and attitude.
Take Responsibility for Your Part
You may lack the authority and the possibility to change the way your former partner nurtures and teaches your children, but this is not your main task, anyway. You have to be hundreds of percent sure you have done and keep on doing all in your powers to take care, love, and treat your kids in the best appropriate way.
When facing rejection, don’t respond in an offended or aggressive mode. Don’t put your kids in the middle of the arguments with your ex, and don’t try to prove that your former spouse is worse than you are. You will do no good but only make the situation even more complicated.
Nurture Positive Relationships
The only magic treatment to rejection by your children is nurturing positive relationships no matter what. Show your support and love as much as possible. Be ready to listen but not judge your kids. Respond with kindness and understanding. Prove that you care not only with words but with actions.
If you truly want to deal with rejection, don’t give up too early. Put in maximum efforts and gather patience since sometimes it may take months or even years before your kids are ready to change their attitude toward you for the better.